October 23rd, 2008
Found in Comedy Quotes, Lewis Black Quotes | No Comments »
The most important part of travel, is when you come home. Because, that’s when you see your country with new eyes.
I was amazed to realize that we’re the only country that tells the rest of the world, on a nearly constant basis, that we’re the greatest country on Earth.
And that is a little fuckin’ obnoxious.
And they know it’s obnoxious. Because, if you were in an office, and there was someone there who came in every day and said, “I’m the greatest fucker here! And you sniveling shits would die without me!” I can guarantee that by the end of the week you’d have killed him and eaten him, just to try to possess his power…
October 19th, 2008
Found in Comedy Quotes, Dennis Miller Quotes | No Comments »
And yet this is what it has come to in later-day America: everybody’s broken off into these petulant little travis-bickle tribes, constantly walking the perimeter of their own damaged self-esteem; ever vigilant against an incursion by “they,” “them,” the “other guys.”
Everybody is encouraged to be touchy. Everybody, that is, but me. I’m a white Anglo-Saxon male — I’m everybody’s asshole.
Black people think I’m physically deficient and oppressive. Gay people think I’m latently homosexual and overly macho. Women think I’m oafish and horny. And Asians think I’m lazy and stupid.
Hey, you think you have an axe to grind? I’m fuckin’ Paul Bunion over here.
And you know something, there is a principal of reciprocity here. If I’m expected to be genial, I expect that from the rest of you.
Why are we so hung up on the name calling?
September 23rd, 2008
Found in Comedy Quotes, Lewis Black Quotes | No Comments »
In my lifetime, we’ve gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We’ve gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we’ll be voting for plants.
Let’s face it, Americans are fat all year round, but the holidays are when we really hit our stride. And you can bet the food we eat will be just as unhealthy as the families we’re forced to visit.
If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they’re showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You’re better off coming back as a lobster.
There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.
